dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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