He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
