whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's Friday. Sex?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
