Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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