kristin has been a bad kristin
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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