It's Friday. Sex?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
