Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
