sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
