well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
