Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm at about main and main street
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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