i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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