I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
