So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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