grandma shit on top of the toilet
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
