I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
