bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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