I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
