he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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