Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
