lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
