I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
