This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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