"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
