so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
