what if every blade of grass was a penis?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
