i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
