You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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