You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
