My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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