When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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