God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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