How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
