I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
