Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
