...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
