it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
