Sry I called you an 8
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
