Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
