her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize