so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
