He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
