I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
