His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize