just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
