Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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