is wine microwaveable?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
