I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
