Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize