he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
