I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize