When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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