no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
