Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dicks are not precious.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
