we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
