Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
