I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
