got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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