i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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