we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
