My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
