Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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