I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
