If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
