First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
40s are totally the cure
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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