Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
love makes seman taste better
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
