I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
