sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
