Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
