Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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