Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
