Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
