I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
