I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
