dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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