i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize