I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
