dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
