I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
