You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
