The maid of honor just puked.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
