I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
