took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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