you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We are all done wearing pants today
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
